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[personal profile] juniper_sky

 For those of you who don't know, The Fifth Sorceress is a fantasy novel (the first of six, actually) written by someone named Robert Newcomb (I feel like I'm doing him a disservice just by calling him by his name). Those who have heard of it can tell you that it is bad. Very bad. Legendarily bad, even, at least in certain circles. With this in mind, I feel compelled to remake it in mind. Because that is how my mind works. Now, I will not actually be reading the book. Why would I? Instead, I will be getting my knowledge of it from the review posted on the Das Sporking community, which can be found here.

The names, personalities, and backstories of the characters may be changed from the original story to suit my needs, but I will still be using it as a base to work off of (and an example of what not to do). Also note that I will be thinking this up as I go, without any specific plan, but from what I understand, it would not be possible to be as random and inconsistent as the original book. Anyway, enough talk. Hope you enjoy!

(Also, trigger warning for allusions to hypothetical sexual assault, just to be safe)
 

It took some time for her to realize that the ship was now at anchor. The thing creaked and groaned with such frequency that it probably would’ve taken her a moment to notice if it was sinking, but then, her present condition didn’t help, either. The hunger pains, the manacles clutching tight to her wrists and ankles, and the ever-multiplying splinters in her skin had taken any pretense of insight or focus. With the only sunlight coming in through the cracks in the hull, it could be hard enough to tell the time of day, sometimes. They’d been at sea for fifteen days, she knew that much.


She didn’t bother saying anything; neither did the others, if they’d even noticed the change themselves. All of them knew where they were going, not that Faeli had been able to figure out why, and all four of them had resigned themselves to it before they’d even stepped on board. Still, as they heard heavy boots slamming down against the rotted floorboards, Faeli couldn’t help but look to Tsutskiu, who met her eyes in just the same way, and for a moment, that nameless sense of understanding, of togetherness, seemed to pass between them once more. In better times, it would have brought smiles to both of their faces - oh, how Faeli missed seeing her smile.

The footsteps grew closer, and the moment passed, and rust scraped against rust as the door to their cell was unlocked. For a brief moment, at the start of their voyage, she had thought their captors fools for keeping the four of them together, but soon enough, she came to appreciate the irony of it. The four most powerful women on the continent, gathered close enough to embrace each other if they chose, and even all of their powers combined could do nothing. When it came to breaking their spirits, the wizard had spared no detail.

The door was opened by a gray-faced man in roughly-fashioned mail, carrying a short, worn-down sword in his other hand. A small crowd of similar men was standing not far behind.

“On your feet!” the soldier growled - though it was the kind of growl that came from a beast that was just as frightened as angry. Faeli slowly began to rise, her stiff legs straining and cracking as they struggled to lift even her ragged frame; apparently she wasn’t fast enough, because the man grabbed her by the neck and jerked her up. There was pain, but it was hardly worse than what she was feeling already. He dragged her out of the cell, her feet stumbling as she tried to keep up, and she noticed that most of the men had stepped off to the side, leaving a clear path up to the deck. In all, there were almost twenty of them. A few others pulled her Coven sisters out of the cell as well; it was the first time any of them had stood in days. Their flesh clung tightly to their bones (Faeli could feel her own skin sinking into her ribs) and their tattered robes hung in pieces from their shoulders and arms. They were the same robes that had once shown them as members of her Coven; another form of humiliation, perhaps.

They shambled along in turn, their guards holding tight to their limbs and chains. Now that she was standing upright, the emptiness in Faeli’s stomach was becoming harder to ignore. If she could just focus, if she could look at what was in front of her without jerking her head down in pain…She could move mountains. She could vanquish armies. But she was still a human, and the base limitations of her body had done what the strongest spells could not. They stepped up onto the deck, and despite it all, Faeli sighed at the fresh sea air against her skin. It seemed every man onboard had gathered to see them off. To see the great scourges of Eutracia at last serve their sentences. Even from the darkness of the cell, Faeli had been able to hear the occasional shouted order or irritated grumbling from the sailors, but now, there was only silence. And then there was the man at the center of it all.

He would have been easy to mistake for a common farmer - a bent, old, and destitute one at that. His gray robes were neat, but undistinguished, and his long beard was tangled and filthy. Even his face was lumped, dull, and weathered. But there was something about his eyes, the way he seemed to see everything around him at once - and passed judgement on all of it deliberately and without hesitation. He approached her slowly, and she could feel the arms of the soldiers holding her stiffen. Finally, when he was standing a mere foot away, he looked Faeli in the eye, holding his gaze without so much as a twitch on his face. If this had been meant to intimidate her, it had been a mistake. Gathering up all the mucus and saliva she’d saved for just such an occasion, she spat directly into face. She watched in spiteful satisfaction as he stepped back and wiped the fluid from his eye. But it passed quickly, and again, he seemed unflappable as stone. He gestured, and the soldiers let go. Faeli instantly lurched forward, weighed down by her own body, and would have fallen against the deck if a pair of hands hadn’t stopped her. She turned to see Tsutskiu standing at her side; despite the shackles binding her own hands, the darker-skinned was holding her steady, the worry plain on her face.

Faeli couldn’t meet her eyes, the shame of it all nearly squeezing out the few tears she had left. She was meant to be the strongest of the Coven. Her sisters had trusted her. It was her place to protect them. And she had failed. A failure so great that history would not remember it, for all those remaining would remember it as a triumph. There stood the First Sorceress, sobbing on the floor but for the hands of her own disciple.

The wizard at last spoke, sounding at once almost like a shout and a whisper, “Faeli. Succiu. Romalon. Kesender. You have transgressed beyond any notion of forgiveness.” He paused, remaining motionless, then continued, “You have broken the Paragon’s Law. Killed without threat. Unbalanced man and woman. Disrupted the servitorship of the lords. Abused your endowment. Corrupted the blessed. Violated the young.” Another mistake - not only equating being in the same room with violating, but reading the charges in the first place. Now, she could distract herself from her shame by fueling her anger.

“Why not kill us?” she managed to gasp out. “Why the theater?”

“All men are bound by the Paragon’s law,” he said simply, “Wizards are no exception.” It was a lie, of course, a blatant lie. Faeli had seen Vigos break “heretics” on the wheel with the same stoic gaze he wore now.

“If you think…” She choked, but managed to find her breath again, “If you think this mercy will earn you anything, you’re a greater fool than I thought possible.” At last, she managed to lift her head to lock eyes with him once more. “I will escape whatever you bind me with, iron or sea. And I will kill you.” It was an empty threat. That was clear to both of them. Still, she held the notion tight in her chest, like some  and somehow, in defiance of all sense and reason, she managed to believe it was true.

“In accordance with those same laws which you once profaned,” Vigos said, acknowledging her no further, “You shall be cast adrift on the Whispering Sea, and should you turn back toward the shore, Eutracia shall turn from you, and her lands will ever be out of your reach. Captain…?”

The ship’s captain, a stout, thin-lipped man who Faeli had only seen a few times, nodded somewhat shakily. “Throw ‘em in.” Slowly, the guards grabbed hold of the four women once more, shoving them toward a rowboat waiting at the ship’s side. Nothing more was said as they climbed in and the chains lowered them down into the Whispering Sea.


***

It was, Vigos knew, an enormous risk. But then, the pivotal moments of history demanded such things. For the continent to take on its proper shape, every act, every thought, every work spoken, had to be just so; that much he had known from the very beginning. There would always, of course, be unforeseen obstacles, which would need to be adjusted for, but his own actions, that which he had control over, could contain no error, if he wished to succeed. Perfect outcomes demanded a perfect will.

“Shoulda just killed those bitches and fed what was left to the sharks…” he heard the captain muttering.

“The Paragon’s Law is clear,” he replied. He had, of course, said otherwise, depending on the circumstances. “The Paragon’s Law was not meant for such times as these” and “The Paragon’s Law can be interpreted in many ways” were other common explanations. But few had witnessed him giving more than one, and even then, it was surprising how little the weak minded cared about such things. He glanced behind, “It is not meant that they shall ever see the western lands again. Let any doubts in your mind be extinguished.” He turned back and said, in an absentminded tone, “Prepare to return to shore immediately. The wind will shift in but a moment.” The captain hesitated, then nodded, and walked off. Part of it was fear, of course. A simple raised voice from a wizard would command immediate submission from the common man, and the ship’s crew were no exception; Vigos had become quite good at such things, over the years. But then, there was what he represented. What wizards represented. A rock of certainty to cling to, in a frightening and confusing world. Once the people believed that a man could never be wrong, they would adjust all their thoughts and memories to match whatever he said.

Reaching into his pocket, he produced a small, metallic device, made of interlocking gears and shafts and several components that could not be seen by the mortal eye. An inverse weathervane, some called it. With a few precise twists, the wind across the sea split into two directions, centered just behind their ship’s mast. They would be blown west, back to port, leaving the haunted waters behind them, while the small boat they had cast away would be sent east, far beyond the reach of any land, or any rescue. But, of course, its inhabitants would not die. Killing them and attempting to conceal it carried risks of its own; the Brotherhood was frustratingly set in their ways, and the slightest mistake at such a time could leave them forever out of his reach. And besides, he was not ready to remove the sorceresses from the narrative just yet. In time, they would serve their purpose.


For the moment, though, he could not let them escape their sentence so easily. The Coven had always had an uncanny ability to tamper with whatever magical instruments they wished. Faeli, in particular, could adjust his own vane from a mile away if she were at her full strength. Summoning the required power and constancy, he crushed the device in the palm of his hand, and let its fragments fall into the ocean.

***


Faeli woke at dawn, a crust of salt and sweat falling from her face. Without getting up, she gently patted Tsutskiu on the shoulder, and the other sorceress began to stir as well. In the evening, they had piled the torn fragments of their robes together for a makeshift blanket. It was hardly the first time she and her right-hand had shared a bed.

“‘M hungry…” the other woman muttered. Faeli smiled despite it all, and reached for a piece of stale bread she’d carelessly left near the bow. She handed it to Tsutskiu, who nibbled it a bit, then slowly pushed herself up. The boat had enough provisions stored to last at least a short time, but all of them were smart enough not to gorge themselves after starving for weeks. Before long, Roma and Kes had woken as well, and the four re-clothed themselves as best as they could. They arranged themselves on the hard seats, and sat in silence for a while, letting the waves push their small craft without interference.

“The current’s taking us east…” Tsutskiu murmured. Not something they had any chance of fighting in their current state. Even at their best, changing the winds and currents by will alone was difficult.

“So,” Roma said, maybe just wanting to break the silence. “We lost. They won, we lost. Vigos gets to have his perfect little kingdom, and we’re going to spend the rest of eternity starving alone.” While Faeli hadn’t wanted to say it aloud, she wouldn’t say her fellow sorceress was wrong.

“Aleara’s still out there,” Kes offered.

“Let us…” Before she could say another word, Faeli descended into a fit of coughing, suddenly very aware of how dry her mouth was. On instinct, she glanced at the others’ faces, looking for any sign of frustration or disappointment. There was none, of course. Just worry. “Let us hope,” she finally said, “that we can find each other again, in time.” Truthfully, that felt like yet another failure. Their fifth sister, the one who was to be their final salvation, and Faeli had led the Coven to its doom before she could reach her true potential. And now, she was alone in a land that hated her, with Faeli as powerless to help her as she was to stave off their downfall.

“Do you remember what you said to me?” Tsutskiu was a mind reader. There was no spell, no endowment, no mechanism that Faeli knew that could allow a sorceress to see into someone’s thoughts, yet Tsutskiu always knew exactly what she was thinking. Was she really so obvious? “When I thought we didn’t have a chance, when I thought we would fail,” the southern woman continued, “you told me: Even if they cut every flower, they won’t stop the Spring.”

She reached out her hand. Faeli took it. Slowly, wordlessly, the four sorceresses joined each other into a circle, and after a moment’s hesitation, they spoke as one.

“We are Sisters of the Coven, bound only by each other. The night is harsh. The night is cold. The jagged stones impale the sky. Yet we share our warmth. We level the land. We join our voices in chorus, and in our song, there is power greater than the terrors in the dark. And together, we will bring about the day.”

Faeli hadn’t realized she had closed her eyes until she had opened them again. But when she did, she saw a flame. A tiny, sputtering fire, no greater than a candle, hovering alone in the center of their circle. Fueled by nothing, save the hearts of the Coven. And she laughed. In sheer, mad, joy, she laughed, and the others joined in. As the sun continued to rise, the four sorceresses laughed, cried, embraced, nearly fell over each other, and finally, taking a deep breath, Faeli threw up her arm, and the others followed. And the tiny, flickering little light far out on the see erupted into a towering blaze that almost seemed to reach the sky.


***


Date: 2022-03-23 05:02 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] leliel_12
Okay, this is a nice start. It shows the Coven may or may not be great people, but they are human and scared for their lives, and Vigos is an amoral manipulator no matter how justified their exile. It's dark, brooding, and intriguing. Nice.

EDIT: On reread: Yeah, Vigos is definitely the villain here - much better opening, since it establishes this man is competent, scheming, and bad news, and raises that he wants the sorceresses to show up again - a scheme we know will work, because we don't have a plot otherwise. But there is signs of hope, though.
Edited Date: 2022-03-23 07:53 pm (UTC)

Date: 2022-04-18 08:00 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] rintrah
This is so much better than the original book (opinion based on sporkings). I especially like what you did with the names.

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